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| You know the people that have had a best friend since birth. They are practically inseparable, they might as well me conjoined at the hips. Well I wish that I had a friend like that. Its funny cause people think that I have so many friends that I'm so happy and busy doing stuff with them all the time. They forget that if they think that, probably other people around me think that too.
Its always been hard for me to have just a best friend in elementary school. Finally, I had my first best friend. Her name was Chelsea Nickels. She got me into my love of horses. I went to several of her horse shows. She was fairly good. We were in girl scouts together. I slept over at her house a fair amount, and woke up a lot with a dog in my face. We shared a lot of great times and many secrets together. But she moved away after the 6th grade. Its hard to keep up long distance relationships, especially when you are still in middle school.
Heather Greer. My second attempt at a best friend. We weren't really friend when we first met. We competed with each other. To see who got the most try-its in brownies, the most badges in juniors, who could do the math problem faster, anything was a competition with us. But Chelsea was both of our friends and when she moved away, we confided in each other. To describe our friendship, she basically talked the entire time and I listened. I didn't mind at the time. I was very shy and hadn't figured out who I was as a person. Again we were great friends, shared secrets, had great times, shared bad times, went over for Christmas parties, had her dog attack me. But our friendship got ruined when we went off to high school and a little bit of a boy (but not in the way you think). She was upset that I was paying more attention to this boy then I was to her. I was so busy going to a new school it was hard to call all the time. Maybe I should have called her more. I know some of it was my fault. But I couldn't help but think she could have done more. I decided to confront her about it and that was the end of our friendship.
Since then, I have been skeptical of having a best friend. Since I lost 2 in middle school and my freshman year, I found it hard to have a best friend. So instead I ended up making a lot of friends. Friends who don't really call. Friends who don't try to hang out. Friends who don't really care about me, but rather their best friends.
Finally I get to my most recent best friend. Mercedes Maria Katis. We have been friends for 4 going on 5 years now. We have shared so much over these years. We have been through a lot. She and I were able to stay friends, to stay in touch, even with our busy lives and me transferring to a different school. But with my history of friendships, our friendship in trouble, and both of us going to college in a week, I'm afraid to lose another best friend. And I don't want that to happen. I don't want to lose another friend.
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| as some people will know pops is the final music production of the bowie high choir each school year. Today went up the list of people who made it into pops. Before today i hadn't been very worried about it. i felt that i have a pretty good voice and that my audition went well. However i guess that wasn't really the case. I'm supposed to be sharing my slot with another girl. I don't know the other girl that well, but what i do know is that she is a freshman in concert choir. At first i wasn't too devasted i thought the worst i would get would be two nights that isn't that bad. But i thought i would ask mrs. minor to double check "I'm giving Anna two nights and you can have senior night. Since you have your trio and all"
(( the trio by the way is boogie woogie bugle boy with lauren and rebecca since no one else had auditioned with it and mrs. minor really wanted it in her show. Since lauren and i sounded so good together on don't sit under the apple tree she asked us to switch songs and add rebecca. ))
i'm not going to lie. that is a real blower to my ego. a freshman got two nights over me. it makes me start thinking. maybe i'm not as good as i thought i was. countless times i have auditioned and got nothing. countless times i have been disappointed with the outcome. i know im not amazing. but sometimes i feel like thats the problem.
last year i came close to really giving up on music. it was a pretty hard year for me musically. After what i thought was a great audition for high school musical, and everyone else saying they thought they did horrible, i only got a chorus part, a cheerleader. the only other chorus part that was more useless were the skater dudes. And again after another good audition, i didn't make it into magrigals. i'm not going to lie that was one of the things i was really looking forward into getting into. i know its silly. whatever its a music group. but i really wanted to be in the group it was one of the two things that i had wanted since my freshman year (the other thing was to be a student director thankfully got to do that) and i tried hard. obviously i didn't get in. and again i was pretty devastated. I just started to wonder. maybe i'm not cut out for any of this. maybe if i had gotten those voice lessons like i had been promised for year i may be much better. but i'll never really know. and i don't blame my parents for that at all. its not their faults. they had plenty on their plates at the time. i just wish my mother wouldn't have kept lying saying that i would get them eventually.
but music has been my life for as long as i can remember. i started singing from when i was a little kid. i joined my first choir group at the age of 5. even though i couldn't read the music or even the words to sing, i wanted to be in the group and sing. in middle school i sang in the chorus and upon graduating i received a $500 scholarship for excellence in music from my middle school. And then high school began. my love for music flourished my freshman year as i was in concert choir and i was one of 3 freshman girls in gonzaga's production of Damn Yankees. my sophmore year i didn't do much with singing and honestly i regret that year very much. since i wasn't in a real choir and my voice was maturing, my vocal range dropped and it has taken me two year to kinda get back to that range and i'm still not completely there yet. from then on it seems like all my musical talent and love slowly dissipated over junior year and senior year. and now i feel like i am not a good singer at all. that maybe this isn't right for me. maybe this isn't one of those things im supposed to pursue as maybe an aspect of my future career. sometimes music doesn't give me the same love like it used to.
i don't really know what i wanted from this post. i just needed something to write in instead of all the ideas in my head.
i used to use music as a way to comfort myself. as a way to escape from life, from saddness, from everything into a world where everything made sense, and just flowed. i really do want music to be my all, be love, be what it meant to me back then.
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| so now that mulan is over.
i can finaly write about it.
oh man what a crazy time it was.
but you know it was just awesome.
i met with these kids everyday.
we practiced lines, songs and dance choreography.
although a long the way there were some bumps
such as our costumes and programs
and just some things as simple as getting the cast to come on time.
but everything turned out well.
im not going to lie.
during tech week i was about to cry one night
cause practice had gone so horribly wrong.
but i still believed in my cast.
[[ i'm sure most directors feel the same way during tech week ]]
i am so proud to have been apart of one of the best student shows at bowie.
both carl and andrew did an amazing job themselves.
i'm glad we were able to make a great show
that everyone of all ages was able to enjoy.
i'm so proud of everyone in the show.
our attendance was great
with about 740 for our final saturday.
which is practically selling out.
and we made about $15,000
everything about this show was worth it.
i couldn't have asked for a better group of people
to spend my last few months of my high school musical career with.
yes i'm said that its my last.
i've had some great times in theater.
happiest days of our lives.
damn yankees.
check, please!
music man.
guys and dolls.
aladdin jr.
high school musical.
peter pan.
its just one more step to the end of high school.
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| life is pretty crazy right now.
everything is just going by so fast.
mulan is going into tech week
and soon it will all be over =/
and then ill leave for d'iberville
and then soon it'll be AP tests
and graduation
and summer and getting a job.
but im proud of my mulan cast
they are some pretty great kids
i'll let you know how the shows go this weekend.
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| hmm it seems life has finally caught up to me
i just want it all to go away.
sigh. 
i might comment later but i have too much work to do.
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